CASA thinks I need to face my rapist
When I was 15 and 2 months pregnant with my daughter I was raped by my baby daddy’s best friend. He was someone I thought that I could lean on. I knew he was attracted to me and all, but we kept it platonic even though we had dated previously and he’d taken my virginity at 13. I know that I made a lot of mistakes when I was young, and put myself in dangerous situations, but I know I didn’t deserved to be raped. I have ups and downs with this. I’m trying to get my power back from it, and just when I think things are looking up I have a breakdown. I went to WalMart and literally bumped into him. He put his hands on my waist and said “Sorry babygirl (his nickname for me)” I about broke down in the store right then and there, but I had my son with me and couldn’t do that. Feeling his hands on me again makes me sick! It just brought back so much pain and images from that night 7 1/2 years ago. I talked to our CASA rep here and she thinks that I may need to face him one way or another to get my power back and I know I can’t do that. She suggested even writing a letter and mailing it since I know exactly where he lives (3 miles from my house). I just can’t do that. Thank you all for listening. I’m just a little broken girl at heart still. Being a mommy doesn’t make you as strong as you always need to be I guess.
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I am so sorry to hear that this happened to you. Rape is absolutely devestating, and it does take a long time to recover from. I think the CASA rep is right that you need to confront him and your emotions about what happened. However, if you don’t feel like you can send that letter or confront him about it in person - that is ok. I would recommend that you write out the letter, and say everything you need to. Work through your feelings as you write it, and take your time to get out everything you need to say. After you have finished writing it, then decide whether you want to send it. If you don’t want to - then don’t. Having it sent to him isn’t necessary to help you alleviate some of the deep down emotional pain you have felt all these years. Getting it all off your chest is what is important. So write it out - then decide what you want to do with it. You could send it, tear it up, keep it, burn it, or do a ceremonial release of all the negativity it brings into your life. Do what you feel you need to, but for now - just write it.
I’m sorry to hear that that happened to you. You are so strong for keeping it together and being a great mom to your kids.
Here’s an idea. Write the letter and only send it if you want to. The power of writing that letter can release some of the emotions you have, it may be quite healing for you. If you don’t want to send it, you could burn it (just be careful to not burn down your house) or rip it up. As you destroy that letter, imagine destroying what he did to you and his influence over you life. Imagine destroying that part of you that he hurt and healing it. Take it back, it’s yours, make him release it.
I hope this helps. Reaching out is good, and people care and understand and want to support you. Give yourself time and patience. You’re a great person and did not deserve to be treated that way.
I can understand why running into him was shaking, to say the least. I wish I could have been there with you to smack his hands off of you and tell him to leave you alone. If you are not ready to face him or confront him, then don’t do it. Take care of yourself and listen to your own heart and feelings. Maybe somewhere down the road you will feel ready.
Wow, my post and Angel83’s came up at the same time. Looks like we have a similar idea.
Honey, I feel for you. I was raped when I was 16 by someone I trusted. My suggestion would be to write a letter to him but just never mail it, put it in an evelope and everything and then either throw it out, burn it or stick away somewhere. Perhaps just writing out your feelings to him might relieve something. My heart goes out to you, I understand your feelings and emotions.
Take care.
Ann Marie
I think you have already gotten some wonderful advice! Just remember to take care of you! I am here for you, girl!
Big HUGS
I just wanted you to know that I’m thinking of you and praying that some how that you can heal from this experience.
While I dont know what its like personally, my sister was raped and stabbed while babysitting. Standing by her while she went through this was just heartbreaking. So, yeah girl..i’m praying for you.
Debbie
Wow, I am so sorry. You have been through a lot. I think those people are experts and know what would make you feel better if you are ready for it.
I am sorry you had to just run into this guy (slimeball) like that, so unprepared. Especially him having the audacity to place his hands on you. And he probably is one who claims he did nothing wrong. Agh, I am sorry! I understand what the CASA person is saying, however, you have to be ready for that in order to go through with it buddy. I imagine you would feel pretty unsafe facing him alone. It is understandable that you would be fearful and not ready. Perhaps talking about it more with those you trust can help you to work through it. I hope you are able to heal from this. You are in my thoughts and prayers sweetie.
As far as the confrontation part, it seems by his apology that he acknowledges that he did something wrong, so in the scheme of rapists, he may actually be confrontable.
I totally agree with the letter thing, though, it will help, it almost make you feel like you are telling HIM those things, like what he took from you and how he affected your life, etc.
After writing it, I would keep hold of it a week or so, re-read it, and then make the decision whether or not to share it with him. You need to decide whether there is actually anything to gain by him having that info, or if the gain is truly in you expressing it. My guess is the latter, but only you’ll know.
((((danielle))))
I am so sorry this had to happen to you. I pray you will heal from this.