I think I figured out what triggered my weight gain
I have been doing a lot of soul searching lately trying to figure out what made me go from 140 lbs to over 200 in hopes of finding a way to get my power back. When I was 15 years old and 2 months pregnant with my oldest daughter I was raped. I knew the guy really well, he was actually an ex boyfriend, and friend of my little girl’s father. You see when I got pregnant me and her father split up and I looked to him only as a friend. One night I was hanging out with him at a friends house, and after everyone fell asleep I was laying on the couch getting ready to go to sleep myself when he came in and held me down and raped me. I never pressed charges because my whole family was already mad at me for getting pregnant and I didn’t want them to hate me even more. After that I did my best to keep it all in and focus on what I ate through my pregnancy. After Haley was born I was back at 140 in 1 week! I remained damaged within my own heart and never had anyone I could trust to talk to. I started eating high caloric foods to make me feel better. When my daughter was 4 1/2 months I starting dating my husband and while I love him very much he is never there for me, and we’ve had a pretty abusive relationship in many ways ever since. Anyways, what I’ve realized is that my rapist stole a part of me that night and I need to take it back. I just don’t know how. That’s where you guys come in. I can’t talk to anyone in my family because they wouldn’t believe me or be supportive because they believe that girls who dress “slutty” deserve what they get. I was only 15 though and I’m sure we’ve all went through that stage. Anyways, what do I do from here?
XML Feed
I have found that having a good therapist helps me alot. And you know we are here for you, hugs, Kama
I agree with Kama. It really, really helps talking to a therapist. They can help guide you through letting go and healing. I am sorry you have been through so much.
I also agree seeing a therapist is a good idea. They can help you work through all of your pain and find new ways to “fill” yourself in order to feel better. You are so young and have a whole lot of life left to live and you deserve to be happy and healthy both for yourself and your children. I truly wish you all the best and encourage you to seek therapy. You are worth it:)
yup Im in therapy myself for the past 4 weeks… and although it’s not helping me feel better yet, it’s good to be able to talk to someone who’s not judgemental and get stuff out of your head.
I 100% agree you should see someone who can help you through this. It must be so hard to put this out in a blog for all of us to see. To me that means you are ready to start healing. We are all here for you Danielle!