luv3monsters

Okay I’m sure a lot of you guys read my blog yesterday tellingou all how heart broken I am.  That pain is still there, but I decided today that I am not going to let it control me!  I did a workout this morning, put a smile on my face and began Thanksgiving preparations.  With my 6 year old off at school I turned on Christmas music and started cleaning the frige.  I don’t mean just getting rid of anything outdated, I tore it apart and scrubbed!  Oh not to mention the joy my 23 month old little boy brought when he started singing lalalalala!  It was SO cute!  I have the self-cleaning range doing it’s job and I even cleaned the drip pans!  I always do this before Thanksgiving and although it sounds crappy it makes me happy because it means the holiday is almost here.  Holidays are about so much more than food to me.  My family is full of love and I want to pass that down to my kids.  So today I’ve decided that my broken heart is not going to break me!  So I will continue my preparations with my music, and my adorable little ones.  I just can’t stay feeling like a train ran over my heart.  I’m letting go and letting God have my problems and mend my heart.  Happy Thanksgiving you guy!  Thanks so much for the support, it means SO much to me!

I’m having problems with my husband and it’s gone from bad to worse and now with the upcoming holidays my initial excitment is completely depression now.  My first Thanksgiving and Christmas without my Grandmother and on top of that because he demands on staying home I will not be going to any of my families holiday events.  It will just be me, him, the kids, and his father who hates me.  I’m so depressed.  It’s making it hard for me to feel like moving much less working out, but I know that if I don’t work out then I’ll just feel even worse.  I am now down to 199 and I am happy about that, but the fact is that I still have 49-59 lbs to lose and that is a lot to look at.  I’m taking it day by day, week by week, and month by month.  I refuse to let it be another year by year though.  I made some mistakes with our relatonship back last spring and he can’t really forgive me.  I am only 22 and trying to handle all that life gives me.  I have 3 kids, a house, a husband, a family, and life just isn’t getting any easier.  Usually things lighten up this time of the year and I enjoy the holidays, but now I’m having to fake a smile and excitement for my kids that just isn’t really there.  My oldest, age 6, has been getting picked on a lot at school and so I’m trying to focus on making her happy about the upcoming things.  Then I have my 4 year old, Charity Faith, who is just learning about our traditions and is so excited to help cook and all.  I’m trying to help Hunter, 23 months, to finish up his recovery of his tonsilectomy as well.  I just want to be happy so badly and don’t know how to take all of this.  I love him, but it’s more or less that I need to go back to how I used to be.  I need to be to where I don’t ask for his help, wait on him hand and foot(not that that ever changed, he wakes me up at night to get him a drink even!), not show my emotions, act like everything is always fine, cut off my family, not leave or use the phone unless it’s for doctors or school things.  I am feeling a lot of pain and resentment and I don’t want that.  Any suggestions on how to deal with all of this?  Thanks for listening and sorry for rambling.

I just weighed in after spending most of the last week in the hospital with my 23 month old son and I am now 199 lbs!  I have lost 15 lbs in 2 1/2 months.  I was feeling crappy about how much farther I could have been if I stayed on track the whole time, but you guys here made me realize that no mtter what I am losing this weight and it’s NOT going to come back!  I am SO excited!  I didn’t think I’d be under 200 lbs by Thanksgiving!  Now my goal is to be at 197 by December 1st, and 191 by Christmas and 189 by New Years!  It would be SO great to be under 190 by then.  I have not been under 190 in so long!  When I was in the 200’s I felt like  I had so far to go, I know I still have about 49-59  lbs to lose to be at my goal, but now it feels attainable!  I’m not saying by like March or April, but I’m vowing NOT to give up, and no matter what I will eventually reach my goal, be healthier, fitter, and have fun with a new body that I have not had in 7 years!  You guys keep pushin and I’ll keep doin my best to lose!

I’ve been really busy this weekend with my little girl’s 4th birthday and my 6 year olds cheerleading exhibition but I’ve been eating okay and working out, but I’m heartbroken.  My grandmother passed away August 26th and I am having a really hard time again.  I guess with the holidays coming up and all it’s breaking my heart all over again.  My 23 month old little bo is having surgery Thursday to get his tonsils out so that’s been worrying me to death too.  I just doint know what to do.  Today I can’t shake it and keep going like I usually do.  I don’t want to do anything.  I got up and did some yoga this morning, but that’s it.  I’ve been sitting on my butt crying all day.  I just don’t know what to do.  I need to pull it together, but I don’t know how. 

My husband is SUCH an A**!!!!  He is all pissed because I told him we need to cut some spending because in the next 7 weeks we have 2 kids birthdays and Christmas.  He can be such a selfish jerk!!  We just put like 300 into his hunting season and he ran his credit card bill u pand I had to cover that.  UHH!  I wish sometimes he would do the finances, but then I wouldn’t be assured that everything was paid.  I am only 22 and have 3 kids and him to take care of.  He makes good money, and I stay at home and so I see where some people would say go get a job, but I have two children that I would have to pay for full time daycare, and then another one for before and after school so it wouldnt even pay me to work once I cover that and gas to and from work.  He knows this, but he was raised to have anything he wanted and doesn’t like to give in on his part!!  I hate this, and I wonder sometimes if I would leave his selfish ass if I would be better off, but I do love him, and he can be nice, but he has a lot of growing up to do.  I know he is only 25, but HELLO we are in the real world and $18/hour only goes so far with rent, electric, phone, internet, satellite, car payment, car insurance, food, kid’s medicine,I wish he actually cared about this!!!!!!!!!  Sorry I really needed to vent!

Okay so yesterday I was feeling kid of crappy, but I woke up this morning and told myself that today is going to be a great day!  I got my little girl off to school and ate cereal with my two younger ones and have done a small workout.  I tell you I think working out makes you feel better mentally as well!  The last 2 weeks I’ve been so stressed out and I think that part of it was that I wasn’t being able to work out like I usually do.  I mean I still did walking, but no toning or anything.  Today is different, and I know that I’m not going to give up.  Once again I’ve been saved by my fellow buddyslimmers!  Thanks so much for everyone’s continued support!!!  I did want to let you all know that I am using Acai Berry Supreme, and Total Cleanse.  I was not going to buy it because I thought it would be a scam, but my doctor wants me to give it a try.  He gave me a website to go to and I got both bottles free and only paid $5.95 shipping since I am a new customer.  His wife has been using it for 2 months and has lost 25 lbs, of course with diet and exercise too.  I just thought I’d put that out there since my dr. recommended it.  He said not to go to just any site to purchase it though because there are a lot out there that aren’t good, but if you’re intested check out acaiberrysupreme.com

I started my life change on September 1st, and I’ve lost 13 lbs.  I know that is pretty good progress, but I’m just not happy.  I guess that part of it is the simple fact that if I had not slipped up a few times, or worked out harder that I could be farther along.  Also that I only lost 1 lb this week, and am afraid I wont break through that 200 lb barrier.  I have started to set my mini goals to what I want for the week for a loss in hopes of accomplishing that will help to keep me going, but I just feel like crap.  I’m not giving up, I’m just feeling down now.  I am planning on trying to get in a kick butt workout tomorrow.  I just got direct tv so I have it set up to automatically record my favorite workout shows so that I can do them while the kids are napping or whatever, so I know I can do this.  I guess that 1 lb just knocked me down a little bit.  I’m doing okay with my eating.  I actually just baked a pumpkin pie that I am proud of because I substituted sugar with Splenda, and now it’s only 225 calories, and guess what, my hubby didn’t even notice!  I dont know why I feel so bad, or what I need for sure to feel better, but I know that I need to snap out of it!

Okay, so I weighed in yesterday for my Christmas Challenge, but today I did both for my Survivor Challenge.  I only lost 1 lb, but 5 more inches are gone!!  I’m hoping that I gained muscle this week, and that’s why it wasn’t at least the 2 lbs that I was hoping for.  Each of the 2 prior weeks I had lost 3 lbs, so I guess that I’m doing okay.  This week I really want to step up my exercise since my 2 weeks of working is done-I was filling in for my husbands boss while she went on a cruise.  I have a lot of running to do this week with the kids having doctor appts and all, but I think I can do it!  I’m hoping for 2 more lbs to be gone to bring me out of the 200’s!!!!  So here today at 201 and 13 lbs down since September 1st, I’m vowing to not give up, and keep bustin my big ol booty!!!