luv3monsters

I had my little Carter 2 weeks ago today, but since he was csection, and I’m breastfeeding, I’m not working towards anything, but adjusting right now.  I gained up to 224 lbs, and am now weighing in at 193 lbs.  I’m a long ways from my goal, but I’m going to take it one step at a time.

Okay so yesterday I weighed in and was hoping to be down to 194 to meet my mini goal, but it just didn’t happen :(  I am now 195, 1 lb away.  So yes this week was a tiny .5 lb weightloss.  Although, I measured my waist this morning as I always do as a challenge I’m doing on another site and I’ve lost 1 inch this week in my waist alone.  I’ve done a ton of weights this week, so I’m really hoping I had a small loss because of gaining muscle.  If that would be the case I’d be fine because I don’t just want to be some skinny chick, I want to be firm and toned like Jillian.  Well, I don’t know if I’ll ever get that far, but it would be SO great!  It just sucks not knowing what you’re body is doing.

I want you guys to know that I’m reading your blogs and that I support each and every one of you.  For some reason it wont let me reply to any though.  Just remember I’m still here for you all!

189 by Valentine’s Day (Yay out of 190’s!),
186 by March 1st.
180 by April 1st
173 by May 1st
167 by June 1st
160 by July 1st
152 by August 1st
146 by September 1st
140 (goal weight) by October 1st

Originally I was hoping to reach my goal in August, but I think that I need to make these attainable. I know there could be plateaus or other set backs from time to time. I’m just so excited to think that by the time I’m looking to go job searchin (next fall when my daughter goes to school so i only have to pay childcare for 1 child) I can feel more confident about myself, which I’m hoping will help me to get a job I like.

Yay!!!  I got in 20 boy push ups today!!  At the beginning of the month I could only do like 8.  Can’t wait to see my guns this summer haha  I want to reach at least 30 by the end of the month though so we’ll see how that goes. 

I’ve officially changed my life.  No longer can pain push me into making choices that are bad for me either physically or emotionally.  I’ve taken control of my life and will do whatever I need to to get healthy in all aspects!  I’m so refreshed this morning with knowing that I have some great friends here to support me through all of what life gives me, and that I really can control my future.  That is amazing to me!  I have always felt like I had no control over things, and while I don’t have control over everything, I’m taking my dad’s advice and living like the Serenity prayer.  I plan to change what I can and not dwell on the rest of it.  I know that anything worth having in this life may put you through some trials achieving it, but it really will be worth it in the end.  Thanks so each and every one of you guys for being such a great support to me.  Hugs!

When I was 15 and 2 months pregnant with my daughter I was raped by my baby daddy’s best friend.  He was someone I thought that I could lean on.  I knew he was attracted to me and all, but we kept it platonic even though we had dated previously and he’d taken my virginity at 13.  I know that I made a lot of mistakes when I was young, and put myself in dangerous situations, but I know I didn’t deserved to be raped.  I have ups and downs with this.  I’m trying to get my power back from it, and just when I think things are looking up I have a breakdown.  I went to WalMart and literally bumped into him.  He put his hands on my waist and said “Sorry babygirl (his nickname for me)”  I about broke down in the store right then and there, but I had my son with me and couldn’t do that.  Feeling his hands on me again makes me sick!  It just brought back so much pain and images from that night 7 1/2 years ago.  I talked to our CASA rep here and she thinks that I may need to face him one way or another to get my power back and I know I can’t do that.  She suggested even writing a letter and mailing it since I know exactly where he lives (3 miles from my house).  I just can’t do that.  Thank you all for listening.  I’m just a little broken girl at heart still.  Being a mommy doesn’t make you as strong as you always need to be I guess. 

I weighed in today because I have now been doing the National Body Challenge for 2 whole weeks and I have lost 9 lbs in those 2 weeks.  I finally reached 196, but here I come 194 (my goal for next Saturday).  I’m so excited because I have been working out and sticking to my diet 7 days a week and really know I’m making progress.  I mean I have 18 lbs down!  I have always had a hard time getting out of the 190’s though so we’ll see how that goes.  I want to thank each and every one of you for the support you guys continue to give me, and the great challenges here that keep my butt goin.  You guys mean the world to me!  Love you all!

I decided that motivation to me would be having something HOT to wear when I get to that size.  So today I bought some really sexy lingerie!  I’m so excited!  I know having it hear will be so much motivation for me!  Something I can have here to look at and make me push through every workout and really pay 100% attention to what I put in my mouth. I also found some pics of me from before I had my monsters and put a few of me in my bikini on the frige so that I can see that when I go to get something so I can look at what I want to be, and can be, and avoid making dietary mistakes.  Any other thoughts to help?  Thanks so much for reading guys!

I know that I can’t be the only parent that goes insane from hearing WAY too much of these things in my house.  I limit the amount of time that my kids watch tv anyways, but between the three of them, that’s still like 3 hours of this stuff all day.  Atleast Dora is educational, but Wubzy and SpongeBob are flat our retarded!  I’m hearing Dora right now saying “say backpack!”, and of course Hunter and Charity yelling “Backpack!” lol Sorry this drives me crazy and I thought I’d vent here lol